How To Have A Pro-Social Mindset

Pro-Social Mindset

For the longest time I used to intimidate people when I went out. I wore squinted eyes and furrowed eyebrows much like Dirty Harry. 

There was a reason why I always kept a rough face.

It was to hide a problem that I had, that I didn’t want anyone else to see. 

My problem? I’m too damn nice. 

So I started looking like a guy who had a chip on his shoulder. To fend off cons and crooks by not looking like a target. 

But over time I noticed that people didn’t respond well to me. No surprise there. 

Because although I was always polite, my appearance didn’t align with my demeanor. I came off as fake and disingenuous.

Because I was wearing my cunt face. 

But it wasn’t only that. There was something more coming into play: 

The relationship between body language and emotions.

One can follow the other and vice versa. 

Can you genuinely yell at someone with anger while wearing a smile? 

No, you can’t. There’s an immediate cognitive/physical dissonance that makes it uncomfortable. 

So after wearing my cunt face for so long, I decided let go of my face and let it relax.

And a few things immediately changed: 

  1. My face slightly hurt because it wasn’t used to looking neutral 
  2. My drive & determination for life dipped (oops) 
  3. People are friendlier to me and I am to them 

I started getting an off feeling of vulnerability where I felt more man-child than man. In addition to the loss in drive. 

But I liked how my mood and outlook improved. No longer was I thinking of tough times.

Instead I was more accepting, easy-going, and people responded better to me. 

And without a doubt, the entire relationship between how we feel and how we look makes complete sense. 

If you don’t trust the world, then that’s how you’ll carry yourself subconsciously. And people intuitively pick up on that and avoid. 

But if you do trust the world, then you’ll automatically carry yourself more openly. This attracts people because they pick up on good vibes. 

Why does this all matter? 

Because I’m going to show you a mindset trick that will make you pro-social and gain some perspective in social situations. 

The Pro-Social Mindset 

The application is simple. In your head, simply repeat this phrase: 

“The next person I see, is the nicest person I have ever met.” 

This mindset shift does several things: 

  1. Your body is more relaxed and open 
  2. You’re eager to meet and/or talk to the person 
  3. You can easily spot out the problem people

People pick up on a positive mentality based on your relaxed body language. So they’re much more likely to respond positively to you than if you appeared rough and closed-in. 

And since you’re eager, you’re likely to smile when you engage. This lets the other person know that you’re not going to give them a hard time. And they should feel free to relax as well. 

Here’s my favorite thing I’ve learned after adopting this mindset- 

After so many positive interactions, you genuinely know that you’re being a friendly, easy-going, nice person. Which makes it very easy to pick up on the people who have issues. 

For example, if you come across someone rude, you won’t have to wonder if they’re responding negatively because of something you did. No! The problem is them. You’re just being a nice person. 

Those people are either having a rough day. Or they have some serious issues. 

But you already know how to not take any of it personally. 

Requirements To Unlock The Pro-Social Mindset 

Be Well-Rested

You need to have had a good night’s sleep or you will be tired. When you’re tired you’ll naturally avoid social interaction. In my personal experience, if I don’t get enough sleep I can’t maintain a pro-social mindset. 

Be Well-Fed

If you’ve ever tried dieting, then you know that food is the only thing on your mind. That’s why hangry is a thing. Being hungry gives you an attitude that brings out anti-social behavior. 

Don’t Drink Coffee

Coffee is not your friend. Drinking coffee implies that you didn’t get enough sleep. And if you did get enough sleep, then coffee will only stir up anxiety. 

Proper Environment

Of course don’t be dumb. Don’t use this mindset shift if you find yourself around the wrong people or the wrong situation. In those instances, stay calm, keep a rough face, and watch your back. 


There you have it. Have fun, live life and kick ass. 

Until Next Time, 


Here are two little bonus tips: 

When alone, smile as hard as you can for 30 seconds. This improves mood and reduces chances of getting frown lines. 

Always keep your cunt face handy – there’s a time and place for it 


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1 Comment

  1. Loving this post.! I used to not be such a nice person and I wasn’t happy, and then one day I realised I wanted to be. I wanted to be that girl who smiles when she is at horse shows and wishes everyone good luck. And not just luck, genuinely wish them good luck. That takes training of your own mind, and your own junk. Junk means your own hang ups and your own insecurities. You gotta face those!

    I love life now, it took three long years (but years well spent). I smile at people when I walk to work. I buy a round of coffee for no reason when I am at work. I am happy no matter what happens because I know that life is 90% how I react and only 10% of what happens to me. When you are happy you are in control of your emotions, they don’t own you. I am not reactory anymore. I am kind and I have plenty of kindness to go around.
    I did a “clean out” of my life. I did clothes and stuff to start with but then it got deep. I cut people out who were not on team Mel, who didn’t support me. Of course I still have friends that have issues, mental health and both, and I support them whole heartedly, I’m talking about a**holes who put down my horse riding or my abilities.

    As the old saying goes “if you’re not by my side or on my side, then you are in my way”

    I make time for charity, for clubs, for others. I make time to see how people are and I am genuine with all that i do. I do not do things I don’t want to do. I do not fake who I am anymore. And I have never been happier.

    I love these posts hey, keep em coming


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