In woman talk, “I don’t feel loved” can mean a few different things:
She is insecure
If she’s young and asks “Do you love me? I mean really love me?”.
That’s just her being insecure about the relationship.
And she’s trying to get a read if you really want to be with her as much as she wants to be with you.
Unless she’s high up on the crazy scale, regular reassurance will eventually fix the problem.
She wants to break up
She wants to break up with you. But she doesn’t know if she should do it now or later.
So she wants to get a feel of how much you’d be hurt when she finally ends the relationship and possibly minimize it.
She’s fucked up in the head
There are twisted women out there who say this with an ulterior motive.
By claiming to feel unloved, it’s easier to execute and rationalize her own bad behavior.
It’s a phrase that can be used to make you look bad, and her look innocent.
Even when she’s the one who has done wrong. Cheating, lying, etc.
Again, you’re not responsible for what she says or does. She’s responsible for what she says or does.
Her feelings are just excuses – it doesn’t make things right. But this is a worst-case scenario.
Don’t take it personally. There are plenty of women that can’t handle relationships.
She genuinely doesn’t feel loved
Is it a bad thing when she says that she doesn’t feel loved? Yes and no.
Yes, because it sucks that she feels this way.
No, because she’s making herself feel this way.
As long as you’re not abusing your partner and you guys have a healthy relationship, there’s no reason for her to actually feel unloved.
If she still feels this way then she just needs attention, appreciation, and for you to say ‘I love you’ to her face in person. That good ol’ TLC.
But, you’re also not responsible for how she feels.
If you two have a decent, healthy relationship, then the only reason she feels unloved is because she chooses to feel this way.
Here’s a harsh reality that some people fail to realize:
You can’t feel someone else’s love.
As in, you can’t feel their love emanating from their body into yours.
And they can’t feel your love emanating from your body into theirs.
What you’re feeling are your own feelings.
Ultimately, she just has different expectations of how the relationship is supposed to be.
They may be too high, or you’re not putting in enough effort.
What to do:
Well, you don’t have to do anything. How a person feels and what a person does is beyond your control. She’s making herself feel this way.
Unless you’re actively hurting her, you’re not responsible for how she feels.
The same goes for happiness. No one is responsible for another person’s happiness. You can’t make another person happy.
The only person that can make you feel happy is you. The only person that can make you feel loved is you.
But what you can do is try to make things better. Just don’t expect it to work. This is based on a woman’s maturity level and the size of her sense of entitlement.
You can do little things that will make her feel loved:
- Make sure you guys are having sex
- Voice your concerns with one another
- Say ‘I love you’
- Show physical affection
She’s probably just having a bit of an episode. Don’t worry too much about it.
Insist that she voices herself. Make some effort to do these things that she wishes you do. But don’t go all out, sometimes girls are bratty. Don’t cultivate bad behavior.
Some quick tips that you can do right now would be:
- Surprise her with food (even if she doesn’t want any)
- Romance her by telling her cute shit, or post cute shit about her on social media
- “Go out of your way” for her; OR if you’re at a gas station filling up, go grab her a drink or snack to show you were thinking of her.
Don’t entirely ignore her when she complains that she doesn’t feel loved. Follow some of the advice, see what works best for your partner.
Here’s a personal example of me being hit with the “I don’t feel loved”
I’d been out all day attending seminars and then hanging out with the guys.
Suddenly my girlfriend starts messaging me that she feels unloved.
So I reassure that I love her. But eventually she tells me that she’s distressed with her emotions.
So I tell her that I’ll be on my way home soon.
She tells me “No, you want to be with your friends.”
Chuckling to myself, I didn’t bother responding because she’s being immature.
I get back, (not really) expecting her to be happy to see me.
She had been telling me that she’s been looking forward to seeing me all day.
But instead, when I get back she acts dismissive with a bit of attitude.
“Aren’t you glad I’m home?”
“You’ve been wanting me home. I’m here. Why aren’t you glad?”
But her behavior didn’t bother me. I know that I’m not responsible for how she acts or feels.
If she wants to be in a bad mood, that’s her choice. I’m not going to let her mood influence my own.
I find that the sole purpose of a woman’s bad mood is to try to assert control over a man. It’s not meant to be taken seriously. So just do what I do and acknowledge it blatantly and reject the negativity.
I told her to “be mad!”, smiled, and continued on my merry day.
But Nice Guys Beware If She Doesn’t Feel Loved
I know some guys will try their damndest to kiss their girlfriend’s ass to make her feel better.
Your heart is in the right place. But it’s not your responsibility.
When you try too hard and it doesn’t work, you feel bad yourself. Then you start to believe that you’re genuinely responsible for her feelings and behavior.
Making you believe that is like an accomplishment to her – because now she feels like she’s not responsible for her actions.
No! Fuck that.
Because when she feels like she can get away with anything, she’ll try to.
She’s a grown adult woman, treat her as such. Even if you have to remind her.