Last week I was dealing with a some crazy lady and it got somewhat ugly. She was yelling and publicly shaming me. It started when I was asked by a colleague: What would you do if your girlfriend got pregnant?
I said: I would probably take off, I would probably run away.
Nobody is going to agree with me, but I thought it was a funny answer. I typically have dark humor.
Like today, the older woman comes in. Some old hippy looking lady. She starts shaming me, doesn’t really let me talk, and becomes a pain in my ass.
Towards the end she was commanding me: ‘Don’t have sex!’. She was yelling at me extremely loud for everyone to hear and she repeated this at least 3 times. As if contraception doesn’t work.
Contraception doesn’t work 100% of the time, I know this.
But, I’m already being careful. I make sure the women I’m with are also careful. We rely on condoms and implant contraception. I’ve also always kept track of my girlfriend’s cycles, so I have at least somewhat of an idea when she’s ovulating. Weird, I know.
Again, I know that this stuff doesn’t guarantee baby-free consequences. But I’ve been doing this all for years and it hasn’t failed me yet. I take vigilant precaution.
This lady goes on and on. Then she tells me not to have sex and to get a vasectomy. Now, the thing about these types of women is that they don’t understand that when men get vasectomies they can change.
Aside from being sterile and a dip in libido, which defeats the purpose of getting a vasectomy, men experience a decrease in drive and motivation. Men can lose things that make a man a man.
Women don’t understand that. What’s worse is that it wasn’t just this one woman, there were younger females rallying behind her. Since she’s older they’re getting the impression that she’s some sort of life authority.
But her time has long passed. The world has changed drastically since her prime.
This woman had a scarcity mindset. She didn’t believe that the nuclear family could exist anymore. She assumes that all families are going to fall apart. That’s just a weak mindset. I don’t like that. That’s her.
I understand that most families are not intact in this day of age. But I also realize that most of these parents had kids before they were even age 30.
There’s so much life to live before that age. What she failed to see was that many people who wound up having families at a young age aren’t ready for such a huge commitment.
But this isn’t so much an age thing as it’s a ‘being ready’ thing. You don’t have to feel ready. But being physically capable, emotionally stable, financially secure, and plain responsible is going to fair far much better than being otherwise.
I believe she was preaching the wrong advice. But we’ll believe what we believe.
She was just using guilt and shame to get me to do something that I don’t want to do.
She called me weak at some point. Okay, well everyone is weak. So, she was just insulting me.
She was also saying that pregnancy is a blessing, “maybe the universe is trying to tell you something – and you should go along with it because it’s the universe wanting you to have a kid”.
No no no no no. That’s ‘go with the flow’, passive living. That’s for women or for whoever is allowed to play it safe.
Men, we need to have a degree of control over our lives if we want to succeed. It’s just a different game when it comes to men. Nobody is going to take care of us.
An average man is a nobody. A complete criminal can achieve more than the average man.
He’s a dangerous guy, and if he’s involved in professional, organized crime, he’s likely to run into money and women doing some really shady stuff.
The opposite end of the spectrum are those corporate bigshots making mostly legal 6+ figure salaries.
But the average guy, he’s nothing special. Men need to have ambition or be risk-takers, and that kind of behavior is fueled by testosterone.
Getting a vasectomy at a young age is settling to be average.
So, she’s telling me to get a vasectomy. I respond with, that would change me. She answers, no it wouldn’t.
She clearly doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about. God, it was so bad. It was really the momentum of her rallying followers that must’ve kept her ranting.
She believed that you should let life happen to you. No! I’m not a control freak, but that’s definitely not how you do it. Unless you’re blessed to never have to take any responsibility for our actions – having rich parents who will take care of it or success that is already ‘built into’ your life.
In the end, I just shouted “No! Fuck this shit! I’m not going to be shamed into a corner!” She quickly bailed.
Some people may say that I messed up, like I showed weakness by responding like that. Who cares? She yelled at me, there’s no consequence for yelling back. I’ll tell you what’s weak – being too much of a pussy to do and say what you want.
Because what I said wasn’t wrong. It’s just something that people aren’t going to like. Some people just can’t handle certain things being said aloud.
Which is funny because she was saying how families don’t stick together anymore, “it’s a fantasy”.
From what I’ve noticed. All of my friends who have older parents, are both still together in raising their children. Typically, it’s only one or two kids. But the family is still intact.
I’m not going to jump into any conclusions saying that it’s because they became parents at an older age. But they were definitely more objectively ready. Moreso than younger people can be.
There also tends to be a noticeable age gap between the father and mother. Which bought the man the time he needed to achieve adequate success. Success translating to family preparation.
I imagine there comes a time that you actually want to settle down and don’t mind starting a family. There shouldn’t be any problem wanting to delay the whole scenario until that time comes.
Now the stuff this woman was telling me weren’t bad or misinformed assumptions. But she had such a bad mindset.
Again, she was saying “that’s reality”. Right. You’re talking to the wrong person about reality. She was saying that families all fall apart. I was saying that I was going to leave before the family happened. I feel like the reality I was stating is a whole lot harsher than the reality she was.
Would I really do it? I don’t know. Mental masturbation is too far from the real world. Questioning hypothetical scenarios are a waste of time.
But I was having a private conversation with a colleague. I can say whatever I want and I gave my ‘in-the-moment’ response. People just decided to join in the conversation uninvited and shake things up.
I don’t think anyone should be guilted or shamed into doing anything. But she was also telling me what to do, “You! Don’t have sex!”. She wasn’t suggesting. She was commanding.
That’s crazy. Sex is a fundamental. Just under food, roof, and water. Having sex is alongside the human need to be social. Not entirely essential – but on a per individual basis, it can really take a toll on your quality of life.
Given that I’ve been having sex at least two to three times a week since I started. I’m not going to stop just because someone says that I should.
What would make me stop is if I become more aware of the real-life possibility that my girl’s chances of getting pregnant has increased – but then I’d just be more strategic with contraception. Solved within minutes.
I don’t agree with most of what she said. She was speaking too much from emotion. And it’s not like there’s anything to win. I just thought it was a funny answer, didn’t think anyone would be booty-tickled.
What Would You Do If Your Girlfriend Got Pregnant?
Just yesterday I spoke to another colleague of mine who went missing for the past two weeks. She said she found out that she was pregnant.
Whoa, that’s heavy. She’s under 25. But she also said ‘Yeah, it’s a surprise. But it’s just a baby. Babies aren’t bad’.
No, they aren’t. But I personally believe that she’s too young to have a kid. Considering how nonchalant her answer is, I don’t think she has the maturity level to really understand the impact of her decision. But it’s her decision. So, I’ll respect it.
What’s weird is that I’ve only talked to this woman twice or three times. It’s weird that she’s dropped that kind of sensitive information on me.
I assume that the young guy who got her pregnant either doesn’t know about her pregnancy or doesn’t want it. Both him and the woman are in a tough spot.
If the guy isn’t ready, he isn’t ready. Whether he takes his responsibility is up to him.
If she wants to keep it or not. The choice is hers. But if he doesn’t stay, there aren’t many men who want to take care of another person’s baby.
All in all, people are going to do whatever they want to do. I wish them the best.
I just hope neither of them are being guilted or shamed into doing something that they don’t want to do.