May 24, 2017

She Says She Doesn't Feel Loved

I don't feel loved can mean a few things

She's insecure. If she's young and asks "Do you love me? I mean really love me?". It means she's insecure about the relationship. And she's trying to get a read if you really want to be with her as much as she wants to be with you.

Unless she's high up on the crazy scale, regular reassurance will eventually fix the problem.

She wants to break up. But she isn't sure if she should do it now or later. So she wants to get a feel on how much you'd be hurt when she finally pulls the trigger. She hopes to minimize your pain by picking the most opportune time.

She's fucked up in the head. There are twisted women out there who say this with an ulterior motive. By claiming to feel unloved, it's easier to rationalize her own bad behavior. It’s a phrase that makes you look bad, and her look innocent. Even if she’s the one doing wrong (cheating, lying, etc.)

Know that you’re not responsible for what she says or does. She’s responsible for what she says or does. Her feelings are just excuses – and they don't make things right. But this is a worst-case scenario.

Don’t take it personally. There are plenty of women that can’t handle relationships.

She genuinely doesn't feel loved. Is it bad that she says she doesn't feel loved? Yes and no. Yes, because it sucks that she feels this way. No, because she's making herself feel this way. If you two have a decent, healthy relationship, then she's simply choosing to feel unloved.

A Reality Romantics Fail to Realize

You can’t feel someone else’s love. As in, you can’t feel their love emanating from their body into yours. And they can’t feel your love emanating from your body into theirs.

What you’re feeling are your own feelings.

Ultimately, she just has different expectations of how the relationship is supposed to be. They may be too high, or you’re not putting in enough effort.

And based on a woman's maturity and her sense of entitlement, you can try to make things better. Just don’t always expect it to work.

Simple Ways to Make Her Feel Loved

Surprise her. If you're out at the store or at a gas station filling up, get her a little something. Grab her favorite snack or drink. Without going out of your way, she'll know you were thinking of her.

Tell her cute shit. Occasionally show her unconditional love. Say 'I love you', compliment her, post about her on social media.

Give physical affection. Tickle her like she's your little girl, hugs, kisses, sex and cuddles.

Tell her to voice herself. For those who have lofty high standards, you might find yourself being given the silent treatment. You're no mind reader. Insist that she voices herself and if she doesn't, know what that means.

Make some effort to do the things that she wishes you would do. Besides, if you're really into her (or not distracted by bigger things) then you'd naturally do some of these things already.

But don’t go all out (ever), sometimes girls are bratty. You don’t want to cultivate bad behavior.

Young & Bratty example of I don’t feel loved

I’d been out all day doing shenanigans. Suddenly the girlfriend messages me that she feels unloved.

So I reassure that I love her. But eventually she gets she’s distressed with her emotions.

I tell her "I’ll be on my way home soon". She tells me "No, you want to be with your friends."

(Earlier she told me that she's been looking forward to seeing me all day.)

Chuckling to myself, I didn’t bother responding because she’s being immature.

I get back, (not really) expecting her to be happy to see me.

“I’m home! Aren't you glad?” “No" “You’ve been wanting me home. I’m here. Why aren’t you glad?” “Because”

But her behavior didn’t bother me. I know that I’m not responsible for how she acts or feels.

If she wants to be in a bad mood, that’s her choice. I’m not going to let her mood influence my own.

A woman's bad mood is usually meant to assert control over a man. It shouldn't be taken seriously (unless it is - usually isn't). So what I do is acknowledge it blatantly and reject the negativity.

I told her to "be mad!", smiled, and continued on my merry day. Eventually she came to, she just needed what all little cute fussy girls need.

Beware: Nice Guys, If She Doesn't Feel Loved

I know some guys will try their damndest to kiss their girlfriend’s ass to make her feel better.

Your heart is in the right place. But it’s not your responsibility.

When you try too hard and it doesn’t work, you feel bad yourself. Then you start to believe that you’re genuinely responsible for her feelings and behavior.

Making you believe that is like an accomplishment to her – because now she feels like she’s not responsible for her actions.

No! Fuck that. Because when she feels like she can get away with anything, she’ll try to.

She’s a grown adult woman, treat her as such. Even if you have to remind her.



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6 comments on “She Says She Doesn't Feel Loved”

  1. Hey there. I think some of your lines are on point. But I also think you’re wrong about whether a person can feel love emanating from a body. You can totally feel it when someone loves you. You just can. Maybe it’s you, my darling, who has never felt love.

  2. Nice article, and interesting observation of how love is communicated. The one thing I've learned is that everyone is different, and we talk a lot about how we 'feel'. However, I believe action speaks louder than words. And it is the actions that show how you love a person because words are wonderful, but they are words. I think one can feel love emanating from someone like when you hold a child, or when you hold a close relative you feel that love come through. I think.

  3. There is certainly some truth in what you say. Men and women have difficulty communicating. It sounds, however, as if you have known a great many immature, manipulative women. They do not represent the rest of us.

    1. They signify the majority. I've enjoyed the company of good women. But I share the experience of knowing less quality people, and I know others can relate. Thanks for reading Anna.

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