So she says she wants space? Aw boy.
I’m about to drop some harsh truth bombs on you brother.
Since she says she wants space, I bet you’re running around trying to make her happy.
I bet you’re being more attentive, helping around the house, and spending more time with her.
You’re probably taking all of her minor complaints seriously. Trying to do everything she says in hopes of saving the relationship.
Stop. It’s futile. Because the truth is –
The last thing she wants to do is spend more time with you.
In fact, she feels better when she’s not around you.
She might even say that giving her space will help the relationship.
Pfft. As if.
LISTEN TO ACTIONS, NOT WORDS.
If she really wanted to work things out with you, why is she moving away from you?
Here’s another truth bomb. I hope you’re ready for it…
If she ever told you that she loves you but she’s not in love with you, it means she’s seeing somebody.
To put it bluntly – she’s over you (and likely under someone else).
If you two already stopped having sex then you know she’s lost attraction to you.
Worse is that she’s attracted to someone else and sleeping with them instead.
It gets worse.
Ideas of love and sex are getting jumbled up.
“I love you but I’m not in love with you” implies that she’s in love with whoever she’s having sex with.
This isn’t necessarily true (but it depends on the woman…)
Consider that it’s easier for her to say she no longer loves you than it is to admit that she wants to leave you for better sex.
All of this signifies a lack of mental and/or sexual maturity for a few reasons:
- a lackluster sex life is a completely viable reason to end a relationship
- she is uncomfortable with her sexuality
- attaching love to sexual desire shouldn’t assumed
Let me explain what I mean by “attaching love to sexual desire shouldn’t be assumed”.
Let’s say she believed she wouldn’t desire somebody else because she loves you.
But then she meets someone and suddenly has a very strong desire to be with him.
She will think that something is wrong with her for strongly desiring someone who isn’t you.
(In reality: nothing is wrong with her)
This is crucial because there’s a huge difference between:
- assuming you won’t desire to be with someone else and
- choosing that you won’t be with someone else.
The difference is trying to be faithful and just being faithful.
Let’s say this is all happening –
Assuming she’s seeing another guy, do you think she’s being honest about your relationship with him?
Nope. She’s likely trying to convince him (or herself) that you’re a bad guy.
A woman like that is incapable of growing genuine relationships.
Although cheat sex is exciting and passionate, it’s definitely not intimate.
True intimacy requires openness and honesty.
Which no longer exists in your relationship with her…
In conclusion, if she wants space, you need to give it to her.
Face it brother. Despite what she says: You guys are broken up.
Take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you’re a man. Keep your head held high and move on.
If she ever does want to get back together she’ll try to remind you of the “good times”.
It can happen but keep the following in mind:
- Taking her back is your choice, but think hard on it
- She might only want to see you again temporarily to avoid “adding extra miles”
- If she comes back depressed, her relationship with her lover didn’t last (experiencing withdrawal)
There’s a good chance she won’t come back though. And that’s okay.
Because if she’s truly meant to be with you, then she would be.
Best wishes brother,
The following is an paraphrased excerpt from a book of forbidden truth:
Even women in good marriages rationalize that their man is the problem. Women know that men put them on the pedestal, which implies that she has the power in the relationship. To admit that she’s cheated is to forfeit that power. Because she knows in your eyes, faithfulness is part of her identity.Michele Langley