You think you want to get married? First, look up the definition of marriage. The internet gives us plenty of definitions:
“the state of being united as spouses in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law”
“the institution whereby individuals are joined in a marriage”
“the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship”
These are some definitions I found off of Oxford and Merriam-Webster dictionary websites. Did you notice the weirdly business-like words in bold? These are words used in business transactions recognized by the government.
Long ago it made sense for people to get married. Because more likely than not, financial stability and familial ties were the reason men and women got married. Emotions like love were not a factor. Women were given away and married to men to ensure their own financial safety.
These days, with the women able to work and make money for themselves there’s no reason to get married for financial stability. Equality is on the rise. Although masculinity is on the fall…
Point is: Marriage used to occur out of necessity. But it’s not a necessity anymore.
So why are we still treating marriage like a business agreement?
It’s because it is.
When you partake in the marriage institution and enter a contractual relationship with another person you are signing an agreement document legally recognized by the government.
And hopefully by now all men are fully aware that if their marriage business partnership doesn’t work out, half of his life will be taken from him and distributed to his ex-wife business partner.
When you get married you aren’t trying to enter a high-risk financial situation.
When you get married, it’s because you want to form an intimate commitment with another person with the potential to have kids to bring up.
But knowing about the possibility of losing your life is an easy ‘Hell No’.
And women argue with this all the time, as if they come from a higher moral ground, that ‘you shouldn’t worry about that because you trust me, and love me, and I wouldn’t do that to you’.
Emotions have no place in conducting business. But when you mention the possibility of losing at least half of your life, you get shamed.
Don’t ever feel ashamed for worrying about these risks. It only shows how much you take your own life seriously, and how much she doesn’t take your life seriously.
So how do you fix this problem? The answer is simple.
Don’t include the government.
You aren’t marrying her for her money and she’s not marrying you for yours, hopefully.
When you get married by law you’ve suddenly entered an explicit business-arrangement. You two are officially business partners. It becomes about money.
Here’s the only reason you should get married:
Because you love them, you care for them, you want to be with them, and you want to raise kids together.
Where in there does it say you want to get married for money? Because that’s the only reason the government is involved in marriage.
So don’t involve the government. We’re talking about your love life. Not your business life.
Involving the government = marrying for money = marrying because you have to be together, not because you want to be together.
Be pro-marriage, but anti-government
If your girlfriend wants to get married and you do too, then by all means go for it.
Buy her the ring. Have the wedding. Go on a honeymoon. Treat her as wife.
But don’t sign the paper. Don’t get the government involved.
If she refuses to get married without the government then make it clear:
‘I want to marry for love, not for money’
‘I want to marry because I want to, not because I have to’
Her argument, and its fallacy
I tell women that I’m all for marriage, but I don’t want the government involved. I guess all women hear is ‘I don’t want to get married’. Which is stupid, because that’s clearly not what I said.
So I argue: ‘So then, if we’re involving the government [insert case stated above]… if I’m signing a legal contract I don’t want emotions to be involved. Give me an actual reason why I should get married.”
And these women make the most hilarious argument:
“You sign the contract because you love her”
What the hell?
‘That’s not a reason. That’s just a feeling. My life is at stake. Give me an actual reason.’
That’s their greatest argument, and their only argument to make me conduct business with them.
Keep in mind that their only reason is a feeling.
To be honest, their argument is very self-defeating. That just shows that they let their emotions influence their entire decision-making process.
One moment they could love you, sign contract. The next moment, out of the blue they don’t love you, life destroyed. That, and if their ‘reason' is “you sign the contract because you love her”, that sentence in itself shows that it’s not about the love.
If it were all about the love, then a ring, a wedding, and a life spent together would be enough because it’s all about the love.
Imagine hearing, “We didn’t sign the contract because it’s not about the money. We didn’t need a contract to tell us that we love each other”. Damn, it would feel pretty good!
I personally believe a prenuptial agreement is falling further into the rabbit hole. There are supposedly cases when prenuptial agreements get overturned or turn out to be invalid. All of that could’ve been avoided by not making everything legal in the first place.
Whatever route you choose, I wouldn’t give you a hard time. Everyone’s life and mindset is different. No truths are universal.
But it makes sense that non-government involved marriages / prenuptial agreements prove that people are marrying for love, not money. Thinking otherwise seems backwards.